13 Jul 2011
by jemelikova
in Stories from the world and me
Tags: children, education, justice, resolution, San Miguel Outreach Team
Today was an amazing day. Day of three stories that made me feel great.
First: About ten cents
This morning I went to help with teaching English to 1st graders. They all are the most adorable kids. Some of them still struggling with writing and it is very hard to keep their attention, so teaching them is very demanding. But seeing smile on their cute little faces is the best reward. Today was a class of fruits and vegetables. One boy kept screaming: Me gusta sandíaaaa. And so I patiently repeated: WA- TER- ME- LON. It all usually works out. Towards the end of class the smallest boy of all suddenly started crying. Big tears size of peas were rolling down his cheaks and he was sobbing as if the world was about to end. What is the matter? Que pasó? Sobbing even more he tells me the mean big girl sitting next to him took his money. Alejandra, the girl, puts on the most innocent face telling me she doesn’t know anything about his ten cents. By this time the rest of the class created circle around us ready to contribute with their testimonies. „He had ten cents, he had ten cents“ the girls are chanting. Losing ten cents of dollar made this little boy cry his eyes out. To provide him with justice I took the issue seriously. In the end ten cents in his world is like a fortune. Investigation is difficult because each says different thing. So I tried the old trick of: I will tell that to senor director and he will find out the true, whoever took the ten cents of the poor boy. (my authority is still not as strong to be able to threaten them myself). And it works. Alejandra in the light of possibility to face señor director during question session confesses and even offers to give the boy whole quarter. Sobbing is over, case solved.
Second: About a goalkeeper
Afternoon is the time for soccer game with two groups of children. The first one starts at 2pm. Excited pupils cannot wait for the class to start. First quick recap of soccer rules and then drills. But everybody just cannot wait to start the actual game. I was placed into defense to help the little demons (I must say I am learning myself about the rules of this game that rule the hearts of all of these children, because I watched too many times without ever being interested in the actual rules.) However, my defense team is me and three eight years old girls, one playing in flip-flops and the rest rather interested in young boys from high school watching the game from the…… After couple of minutes the opposing team almost scores. And after a while one of the little leaves the playground, sits down at starts crying. Oh here we go again. This time the issue is that the other girls told her she is not a good goalkeeper and she just cannot stand to be around them anymore. Her face is getting red from anger and wet from tears and her whole body is shaking from being rejected. I realize how children worlds are small and fragile, like if even the smallest thing or sentence can ruin their whole world. My first reaction is wanting to tell her that the other girls suck. But I was trying to stay positive (and I am not sure if you can say the same thing in Spanish and use CHUPAR in this context anyway). So I try to tell her that opinion of other people should not make her feel bad. That when sometimes people say stuff about you, it is just not true. She must know she is great and perfect. That it is important that she has fun and that is why she is here. Not to become the world champion in soccer. And I even invent a story about little beautiful flower she carries in her heart. And the flower only grows and is happy when she is happy and smiles. But when she cries, the flower suffers. But other people cannot influence this flower, it is only her. Because this flower will always be beautiful, perfect and amazing no matter what and only she has the power to nurture her with her happiness or hurt her with her sadness. After making her stop crying it only takes additional tickle to make her laugh again and get her back to the game. Yes. . (I think I am getting good with this children thing).
Third : Bullying a bully
Older children come to play soccer from 3:30 and together with them even more observers, who sit around the field. Everybody here in Panama loves soccer and so even the older boys would like to join our class. But they have to wait until we are done with the little ones. But one high-schooler just doesn’t understand No. (just a quick comment: All people in this community are very short, so children here seem so small. A difference between first grader and six grader is maybe two inches and so the age of children can be determined rather according to their behavior than their size.) So this boy, probably sixteen years old, could easily be confounded with ten years old if it wasn’t for his secure and arrogant behavior (because he is almost an adult among all these children). So this kid just won’t stop bothering us, trying to steal our balloons and mock us all the time. We keep on playing trying to not to pay attention to him. But at certain point he starts bullying other children on the field. At that moment I am on the other side of the field, already fed up with him. I take off, sprinting towards him. (I am not sure what I want to do, probably just catch him and carry him away – he really does look like ten years old). But as I am getting closer and he sees me running after him, he starts running away, escaping from the crazy girl, with the most fear in his face I have ever provoked in another person. Seeing his scared reaction I stop running. I start laughing and clap my hands in front of him: Are you scared and running away from A GIRL?? After this proclamation I get an excited cheer from all the playing children and numerous high-fives especially from the girl. Me, a girl, just scared the local bro by running after him.
After this long day I realized how little things matter. How children’s worlds are so fragile. How the present moment matters so much, because it is hard for them to see that there is anything but the present moment. Future does not exist. All emotions are here now. They don’t know that there will be a moment when everything changes. I realized how I forgot to live in the moment. Thinking about future, about how things will be, but forgetting to live through them righ now. I am glad I am not child anymore, I am glad I know there is future and I have the power to influence it, but I wish I lived in the moment more, fully, just as all these children. A friend told me everything comes in cycles. You feel bad, but there is always a moment when everything changes and you feel better. Because nothing in life stays the same. Change always comes. No matter how much suffering we are living right now, the happiness will always come if we allow it to.
23 Jan 2011
by jemelikova
in Stories from the world and me
Tags: children, discrimination, equal rights, equality, feminism, future, help, love, opportunities, religion, thoughts, Veronika Jemelikova, women empowerment
I watched a short movie tonight. It was about a young woman in Iran, who was voted by the inhabitants of her village as a member of the village council. She was a doctor and honorable member of the community. However, the council meeting never took place because the head of the council, another honorable man from the village, declined to participate on a meeting with a woman.
He was eighty and for sixty past years took part on important social events and decision making of his community. No matter what arguments were said and even though he himself accepted the young woman was a very good, active and honored person, he could never abandon traditions that were rooted in him so deeply. The village itself was facing many problems and their solution required a council meeting, but the tradition and the old man’s stubbornness was stronger than the need to serve to people who elected him as well as the young woman. It seemed like the irrationality of the traditional dogmas was way stronger than the reason.
After seeing this movie I again realized, as already many times in the past, how the role of men and women is in contemporary world complicated. It is not only about women and their disadvantages. It is about the change is structures, change that undermined the traditional balance of power and challenged the very identity of manhood and womanhood.
Iran is not exactly the country where women empowerment would flourish on every corner. There you will rather find representatives of the religion police checking women obeying the correct dress code.
But as much as I think about any women in any country all over the world, no matter if Muslim, Hindu or Christian, it always brings me back to my own “community” or rather society that surrounds me. And of course I can find plenty of enlightened men, who identified their role in the newly established society and balance of power among male and females. And they not only found their own balance and confidence, but also accepted the new forms of identities which women are adopting.
But as in this movie, I am still finding some of the traditionalist dinosaurs, who refuse to see any change and stick to the traditions known to them, being too afraid of change d’affairs and what role would they be able to take in all of that.
And of course the third group….men that know things are changing, but just cannot decide what they like better. The housewife, the independent famme fatale, girl with little bit of all?
But I don’t want to talk just about man. Not every girl even if she has the opportunity is a feminist who fights for equal rights and on the other hand there are many, who do not have the opportunity of equality, who fight for it with all their soul….as the lady in Iranian movie.
I think there will always be housewives and there will always be crazy girls trying to be as good as men in every aspect of their lives. But really the difference is the environment which allows the women to choose. Why women would not be all of the mentioned during just one lifetime. It is like the world wants us to choose between a great career and children. And at the same time when women chooses not to have children, the tradition still judges her. Man’s value, when he becomes a father, rises immediately, it adds him more honor and credibility. There have been polls showing that this can be seen even in the rise of salary. Woman, when she becomes a mother, is immediately seen as a problematic worker, she is no longer seen as reliable and the polls again show that the salary of a mother is lower than a salary of women without child (not talking about the comparison male-female salary, but just so you know, on the same position western women receive 87% of men’ salary)
I am not really a feminist, I don’t want to compete with men and I believe there are certain areas where the skills of males and females differ and so it is natural that they both are better in different things. But I still believe that both should have the possibility to work as whatever they want regarding their sex or do whatever sport they like, because why they shouldn’t have?
I laugh at sexist jokes, because what else is left to do. Of course, some are laughable and some painful. I’ve heard thousands of jokes about women’s intelligence about our attitude towards money, I opposed arguments that all women are gold-diggers. I also heard jokes about my own lack of professionalism, my empty head, I faced question about my plans to start family during job interview, I was not shaken hand because I was female. My rationality was on many occasions doubted because I show emotions and I’ve heard way too many jokes about the PM syndrome. I was told women are not as good managers as men and I was told: “why would you work so hard if you can just marry?” I laughed at all of this and I know I will in the future. Does it upset me? Yes. Will this ever change…probably not.
As I was told by my colleague – Girl has to be in the first place pretty. The rest is not that important.
And trying to satisfy the needs of ambivalent society, while reading Fukuyama and studying French I am sweating in the gym, putting my make up on and feeling bad about not knowing how to prepare sirloin stake….
We are the generation to find the right balance between all this, career, family, quality free time, education, love and care. We are facing the biggest challenge, probably comparable to global warming and weapons of mass destruction and this is finding balance in our homes, in our beds and our minds. No matter if Iran, Afghanistan or Czech Republic. Bring it on.
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